Die Another Day

#bondreview Die Another Day
Good:
Title sequence is a nice idea, as is Bond being captured and the diamond-encrusted villain.

Bad:

• Ridiculous surfing opening
• Terrible back projection in hovercraft fight
• Awful theme song
• How tanned Bond is despite his captivity
• Brosnan's pronounced belly (and his hilarious attempts to suck it in when topless and talking to M)
• Brosnan's clunky acting, particularly in scenes with M when he delivers his lines as if he's reading them to a foreigner wanting directions (SHOUT AND SPEAK...SLOWLY)
• Bond apparently having the mental powers to send himself into cardiac arrest just by thinking about it
• The fencing duel
• The naivety to think drunk vandals in London wouldn't have broken into MI6's 'forgotten Tube station' hideaway
• The cringeworthy scene in which Bond meets Jinx (and the even more cringeworthy sex scene in which Brosnan seems to do a Marlon Brando impersonation)
• John Cleese
• The embarrassing trip down memory lane in Q's lab (how the hell did he get hold of Klebb's shoe?) is intended as a nod to fans in the series' 40th year but is just childish
• The invisible car
• Madonna's cameo
• Jinx's CGI dive into the sea
• The Moneypenny-Bond virtual reality 'gag' nicked from a Red Dwarf episode
• The casting of Alan B'Stard as the lead villain
• The cartoonish punch-up with lasers flying around
• Almost every single line of dialogue in the entire film, most of which is a double entendre
• The car fight on ice
• Jinx's inability to escape from a melting room of ice
• The genetics storyline
• The crass use of London Calling
• Alan B'Stard becoming a cyborg at the end (amusingly, he's electrified like one of the enemies in the Running Man) and the entirely unemotional scene where he kills his dad
• The closing plane fights (the producers seem to think the girls' fight is sexy. They're wrong)
• How slowly the sports cars fall through the sky and survive the impact
• After all this, it seems pointless even bothering mentioning the CGI windsurfing abomination

 

This film is unwatchable.
Oops, I think I may have exceeded the 140-character rule. But I feel better now.
0/10